Phosphenes

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Next question. Only joking! Grasping a peppermint mocha cappucino in my mitten-covered hands on a winter’s day. seems relevant.

2. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? 
That’s difficult. insecurity is broad enough. 

3. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
shallowness. 

4. What is your greatest extravagance? 
I just bought $57 worth of books i have never read and am not guaranteed to like. and a $200 guitar i rarely have time to play. and a ukelele because i like the idea of it. 

5. What is your current state of mind?
melancholy. reflective on how crap the year has been 

6. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
define virtue.

7. On what occasion do you lie?
on practically every ocassion, mostly because i am too insecure to divulge the truth.

8. What do you dislike most about your appearance? 
i would rather not say, it’d be a long list. 

9. What is the quality you most like in a man?
someone always in synch with me for some peculiar reason.

10. In a woman?
confidence.

11. Which living person do you most admire?
any one of my friends for various reasons and John Green.

12. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
exponentially/funsies/”i love it”.

13. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
chocolate chip cookies hands DOWN.

14. When and where were you happiest?
7th grade. such a good year.

15. Which talent would you most like to have?
having a sponge for a brain and being able to utilize it. oh dear that’s two talents…

16. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
my work ethic.

17. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
figuring things out on my own just a week ago.

18. If you were to die & come back as a person or thing, what/who do you think it would be?
dog. i would be able to feel other people’s emotions and feel free to love others even if they dont love me back.

19. What is your most treasured possession?
value-wise? my vera wang princess perfume im afraid to use. otherwise my dog.

20. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
basically this whole year. depression strikes at the unlikliest of times.

21. What is your most marked characteristic?
the way i talk.

22. What is your greatest regret?
not speaking my mind and heart.

23. Who are your favorite writers?
Sylvia Plath, John Green, JK Rowling, Sarah Dessen, Leo Tolstoy.

24. How would you like to die?
Painlessly.

25. What living person do you most despise?
I despise my 9th grade world geography teacher.

26. What do you most value in your friends?
they have to be caring. loving. the like.  

27. Where would you most like to live?
California. undecided on specifics.

28. What is it that you most dislike?
liars. not the small type.

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Sylvia Plath?

30. What is your motto?
there are many…but ive gotten used to one “if it won’t matter in 10 years, don’t worry about it”. it doesnt work though, because im very emotional and in the moment.

I like flying. I enjoy being suspended thousands of feet in the air with virtually no tangible connection to the world below. I’ve seen flight attendants on the brink of prying cell phones from the hands of men and women in suits, and I feel bad for these people. They glide through most of their life numb to the sensation of an empty mind.

Especially during take-off. I lay my head against the tall plane chair and allow the increasing momentum of the plane to fill me down to the tips of my chipped fingernails.

At that instant, my mind is blank. How often does that happen? Down below, we are harrowed with obligations, errands, work, unfavorable people, uncomfortable situations.

Up in the sky, we are weightless.