I’m going to be honest, I have always wanted to be a know it all. Those people that just know a little about a lot. They contribute to every conversation. And it’s not like AcaDec knowledge—-but they have interesting opinions and interesting things to say about everything. The type of people who know how to play an instrument pretty decently, they can play by ear. They can also play a sport and root for a team. They know about the rules of the game. But they also love history and read books about Greek Mythology and know the main allegories and Greek gods. They may not be religious, but they can have an intelligent, non-offensive conversation about God and faith and their own beliefs. They’re so self-aware it’s unfair. They’s not in a moratorium where they’re looking to find who they are, but they haven’t made any commitments. They know who they are and they’re happy with it. Because they’re awesome.
I’m not that super fucking well rounded person or whatever, but this isn’t to say I’m not happy with who I am. I do have a lot of interests and all that, they’re just not that significant. I don’t think complexly about films and this hotshot director used this directing technique to bring out this underlying mood. I don’t create fast, witty raps about lisps for collegiate poetry slams (and songs encompassing anything and everything).
Every time I do try to write about something I feel strongly about, or something that I want to share with others, I don’t finish because I lose that feeling. I’m fickle.
Why did I even start to write this? I forget. I was just watching Watsky’s newest video about how he believes everyone can accomplish their greatest dreams with what they have got. And he is SO right. If I invest more time in reading, applying for programs and schools and jobs, being productive and finding my place in life, I would get what I want. The only thing in my way is me. My flaws. I’m fickle. I’m lazy. I’d rather just watch TV or movies. I’d rather just shoot the shit with my friends.
I want to set more ambitious New Year’s Resolutions, but I don’t want to because I will disappoint myself. And that’s the last person I want to disappoint. I know I won’t get them all done. If I’m being honest, this is what I want to get done this year, but I know half of them won’t happen.
- write a poem. an actual poem about something I can relate to. one I can read aloud and feel truth in.
- read poetry. read more genres. READ.
- actually change the way I eat and my relationship with food.
- do something with my guitar. If I’m not going to learn it, sell it! I was so ridiculous to buy it.
- watch critically acclaimed films. give those films a chance because they’re acclaimed for a reason
- make those small films I’ve wanted to. be them music videos or just montages of life events.
- get better at taking photos.
- be less internet-dependent. just reduce my time doing the stupid stuff online.
- don’t buy stuff I don’t need. especially clothes. use what I already have.
- cut out the fat in my life. be that my own fat, the useless youtube videos I watch for NO reason, the TV shows that I don’t really like, the people that I couldn’t care less about, or the food that I eat.
- just be a better me. be able to look back at the Me that’s writing this now and know I’ve changed for good.