why do I always feel like the stars just don’t align for me?

When I have time, I plan all this fun stuff, things go wrong.

When I don’t have time, all this fun stuff I’d want to go to is going on.

But if I go to it, I might fail a test or miss out on family time or other opportunities galsdkjfla;ksdf

There’s never a good time for anything.

I just want to be in multiple places at once.

Sorry this doesn’t explain anything.

But I know you all have been there—-Murphy’s law? and then just things not happening at the opportune time? 

Life doesn’t suck—-it really doesn’t. But then stuff like this happens and you can’t help but think there is someone out there not wanting you to just be happy.

Sitting on my own table in a little patio cafe in the heart of a university town, I’m listening to the rumbling of campus buses and the chatter of student rendezvous.

I’ve been soaking it all in for an hour while reading philosophy homework. I just realized now that I never once reached for my headphones to play any music, classical or not, because these noises don’t distract me. The only thing that distracts is silence. Dead, deafening silence. It permeates my brain and creates a void in it. A void that I find needs to be filled with thoughts and worries and problems and ideas and lists and my own songs—-distractions. But, the sound of the outdoors reassures my mind that everyone is distracted with their own worlds…and somehow that allows me to be focused on my own? 

I don’t know. It really doesn’t make sense. I just can’t stand the silence of my dorm.